For the past few days I have been praying a prayer called "My Daily Morning Prayer" which I used to pray every day. I had not prayed it in some time and the first couple of days it seemed rather dry and unattached. But this morning, after I prayed it, I began to pray for other things and then God reminded me that my gateway to worship is music. So I got my antique headset out (haven't joined the IPOD generation yet!) and began to listen to some music and God laid a certain person on my heart and as I prayed for this person God's presence just overwhelmed me!
It is amazing to me that if we put forth even the smallest effort, God is right there to take us into His arms and love us in the way that only He can!
No matter what happens with my surgery or my recovery thereafter, no matter what happens with our finances, no matter what happens in life; this time of being in the beautiful presence of the Lord is always waiting for me if I only take the time!
I love you Lord.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
What is this all about?
Just wondering. What has this been all about? I think everything happens for a reason Sometimes we make bad choices that lead us down a wrong path and then God does what He needs to do to get us back on track. I get that and I can look back and see how he has done that so many times in my life.
But I feel like I have been "off-track" for some time now. This thing with my foot just seems to go on and on and on. I have some plans in my head and in my heart, but to accomplish those, I have to see some healing, some end in site.
I am sure it will come. I know that God has not forgotten about me. He sees me and He knows exactly where I am in my life right now and He even sees me where I will be in the future. I have always believed that and known that. It is a core belief within me. I do not believe that God loses people. Like a doctor doing everything he or she can for someone in trouble.
I can walk away, I can shut out the beauty that is God's love within me, but He will never give up on me. I am not trying to shut Him out but I don't feel as close as I once was which is a hard thing to admit. But I am going to take the advice of a minister's words that someone shared with me this week He said "the most lasting change doesn't come when we try to do everything all at once, we can't go from 0-60 all at once, but we can go from 0-1." I am paraphrasing what I heard so it really is not a perfect quote, but it is wisdom.
So that is where I am in my life. And today I will do something that will take me from 0-1.
But I feel like I have been "off-track" for some time now. This thing with my foot just seems to go on and on and on. I have some plans in my head and in my heart, but to accomplish those, I have to see some healing, some end in site.
I am sure it will come. I know that God has not forgotten about me. He sees me and He knows exactly where I am in my life right now and He even sees me where I will be in the future. I have always believed that and known that. It is a core belief within me. I do not believe that God loses people. Like a doctor doing everything he or she can for someone in trouble.
I can walk away, I can shut out the beauty that is God's love within me, but He will never give up on me. I am not trying to shut Him out but I don't feel as close as I once was which is a hard thing to admit. But I am going to take the advice of a minister's words that someone shared with me this week He said "the most lasting change doesn't come when we try to do everything all at once, we can't go from 0-60 all at once, but we can go from 0-1." I am paraphrasing what I heard so it really is not a perfect quote, but it is wisdom.
So that is where I am in my life. And today I will do something that will take me from 0-1.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Thankful
Just normal stuff happening today. I had to see my doctor and it seems necessary for me to have another surgery (my 5th on my foot). So whatever has to happen, I am open to it. I just want the hole in my foot healed. So that is in the future. I have to see a doctor that I was referred to at Emory for a second opinion on what kind of surgery I should have.
Anyway, came home and just did some stuff around the house. Kenny and I cooked dinner together and then we all had dinner together; me, Kenny, Missy and Maddox and it just felt sweet. My family means so much to me They have seen me through so much and they haven't given up on me. How do I deserve such grace, such mercy? I know that it is not deserved and yet it has been bestowed on me. God's favor. So I know that whatever happens with me physically, I am not going through it alone God is with me and I have a family who loves me and who stand by me through it all.
I am blessed!
Anyway, came home and just did some stuff around the house. Kenny and I cooked dinner together and then we all had dinner together; me, Kenny, Missy and Maddox and it just felt sweet. My family means so much to me They have seen me through so much and they haven't given up on me. How do I deserve such grace, such mercy? I know that it is not deserved and yet it has been bestowed on me. God's favor. So I know that whatever happens with me physically, I am not going through it alone God is with me and I have a family who loves me and who stand by me through it all.
I am blessed!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Weirdness
Anyone in my family would say what weirdness are you talking about, nothing has changed. I feel like the odd man out and some of it is of my own doing and some of it is just circumstantial. I guess if I were to give it any thought, say if I had continually asked someone to do something and they continually said they couldn't for one reason or another, I would stop asking.
That is how it has been with me for a long time. Since the accident, it has been necessary for me to spend long hours alone. I am starting to get out more now, but I think I am viewed by my family as the strange one, the one you really don't want around. I seem to have lost my filter and I am told that I am loud and I know that I talk too much. I interrupt conversations but that is only because if I don't say what I am thinking at the moment I am thinking it, then I forget.
On the other hand, I am basically O.K. with the way things are. I am not in a mad love affair, although my husband and I are getting along better. But things are status quo. I can live with this. Hopefully I can go upward from here. Hopefully my doctor will find a way to get my foot healed and I can move on through physical therapy and put this behind me and get into something that I want to do.
Today has been a restful day. I took a long nap and we all had dinner as a family and it was nice I do have people who love me. All of them may not invite me to hang out, but that's OK for now.
I am O.K. Status quo...moving on..upward and onward!
That is how it has been with me for a long time. Since the accident, it has been necessary for me to spend long hours alone. I am starting to get out more now, but I think I am viewed by my family as the strange one, the one you really don't want around. I seem to have lost my filter and I am told that I am loud and I know that I talk too much. I interrupt conversations but that is only because if I don't say what I am thinking at the moment I am thinking it, then I forget.
On the other hand, I am basically O.K. with the way things are. I am not in a mad love affair, although my husband and I are getting along better. But things are status quo. I can live with this. Hopefully I can go upward from here. Hopefully my doctor will find a way to get my foot healed and I can move on through physical therapy and put this behind me and get into something that I want to do.
Today has been a restful day. I took a long nap and we all had dinner as a family and it was nice I do have people who love me. All of them may not invite me to hang out, but that's OK for now.
I am O.K. Status quo...moving on..upward and onward!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
The week between Christmas and New Years
It is the week between Christmas and New Years. I love this week because I love Christmas and also because my birthday is January 2nd. I feel like this week is an anything goes kind of a week. I have been laying around watching movies; I have a large VHS collection. I have been called crazy for quoting movie and T.V. lines, well let me just say at 56, there is so much information in my head that it just comes pouring out sometimes at inappropriate moments. When you are with me you have to kind of hang on like you are on a roller coaster to make sense of what I am saying! LOL! But seriously, this is week of quiet reflection. What will my life be like in 2011?
In 2010, I spent a lot of time in and out of the hospital. I was in the ICU in April for a heart glitch that turned out to be the fault of one of my BP meds. Then in June, my feet went out from under me (I am never wearing flip flops again) stepping down to the carport and I broke my foot in three places. I had surgery which included two plates and 12 screws. I was about ready to move on to physical therapy when I got a staph infection; a pretty nasty one at that. Yep, it was MRSA!!!!
They take that crap seriously! I was set up with home health care, I had a PICC line (a central line) put in my arm and had surgery to remove all the hardware and spent 6 weeks on kick a** I.V. meds to kill the infection. Unfortunately, the surgery to remove the hardware left an open hole on top of foot and lower ankle. I was on a Wound Vac (self explanatory?) to help close the wound and went to a wound treatment center for months twice a week. They finally decided that nothing was working and referred me to a Plastic Surgery.
So here came surgery number 3 to implant artificial skin over the wound. Did not work! So here came surgery number 4 to do a skin graft from my thigh (yes, let's make another wound to heal the existing wound). Guess what? IT DID NOT WORK!!!! I have spent months changing dressings and caring for this wound and I still have an open wound on my foot!
Saw the PS yesterday and he just shook his head and told me to change dressing products. Will that do it? Just look at the evidence.....what do you think?
I truly believe that all of my doctors did everything they could to fix my foot. As my Plastic Surgeon said, the wound is just in a really bad place. Oh well, it could be on my a** which as a matter of fact I had at one time because I sat on a hot curling iron, but that is a blog for another day!
So I am in physical therapy for the bones. I am progressing well, but then I have this wound..not thinking I will be in cute sandals come summer!
So I have been reflecting on all of that and feeling gratitude towards my family, especially my husband for sticking by me and continuing to help me. I love you guys!
Hopefully, 2011 will be a year of figuring out what I am going to do. LIVE!
In 2010, I spent a lot of time in and out of the hospital. I was in the ICU in April for a heart glitch that turned out to be the fault of one of my BP meds. Then in June, my feet went out from under me (I am never wearing flip flops again) stepping down to the carport and I broke my foot in three places. I had surgery which included two plates and 12 screws. I was about ready to move on to physical therapy when I got a staph infection; a pretty nasty one at that. Yep, it was MRSA!!!!
They take that crap seriously! I was set up with home health care, I had a PICC line (a central line) put in my arm and had surgery to remove all the hardware and spent 6 weeks on kick a** I.V. meds to kill the infection. Unfortunately, the surgery to remove the hardware left an open hole on top of foot and lower ankle. I was on a Wound Vac (self explanatory?) to help close the wound and went to a wound treatment center for months twice a week. They finally decided that nothing was working and referred me to a Plastic Surgery.
So here came surgery number 3 to implant artificial skin over the wound. Did not work! So here came surgery number 4 to do a skin graft from my thigh (yes, let's make another wound to heal the existing wound). Guess what? IT DID NOT WORK!!!! I have spent months changing dressings and caring for this wound and I still have an open wound on my foot!
Saw the PS yesterday and he just shook his head and told me to change dressing products. Will that do it? Just look at the evidence.....what do you think?
I truly believe that all of my doctors did everything they could to fix my foot. As my Plastic Surgeon said, the wound is just in a really bad place. Oh well, it could be on my a** which as a matter of fact I had at one time because I sat on a hot curling iron, but that is a blog for another day!
So I am in physical therapy for the bones. I am progressing well, but then I have this wound..not thinking I will be in cute sandals come summer!
So I have been reflecting on all of that and feeling gratitude towards my family, especially my husband for sticking by me and continuing to help me. I love you guys!
Hopefully, 2011 will be a year of figuring out what I am going to do. LIVE!
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